Brooklynite: But I do…
But I do think that a lot of men are tremendously insecure about their sexual attractiveness, and for such men porn offers fantasies of acceptance as well as domination.
I’m not sure that this really addresses the question. For many men “sexual attractiveness” and “acceptance” (being sexually “liked,” etc.) are themselves cashed out in terms of domination. If these “fantasies” portray “attractiveness” as a sort of force that overwhelms initial reluctance or produces sexual frenzy out of nowhere then they are portraying “acceptance” as more about domination over a woman than they are about the woman’s autonomous desire. (And I think an awful lot of pornography does portray “acceptance” like that.) Indeed the whole scripting in terms of men “offering” and women either “accepting” or “rejecting” is itself part of the problem.
Jill:
The practice itself isn’t inherently demeaning or disgusting, but I think that reality of how it’s performed in the sex industry is troubling. That said, there’s obviously a distinction between what people see in the pornos they watch and what they actually do and feel. But the lines can get blurry.
Right, and I think the reality of how it’s performed outside the sex industry (or, how men very often expect for it to be performed) is also pretty troubling. Those lines get especially blurry when what people (or specifically, men) do and feel, or what they “fantasize” about doing, is deeply influenced by what they see in the pornos they watch.
Sara:
I just don’t see how a healthy attitude toward male orgasm can be portrayed in porn with prevalent anti-semen feelings …
It probably can’t. A healthy attitude toward male orgasm probably can’t be portrayed in porn at all, in a society where sexuality is so often laced with male manipulation and domination of women, whatever the feelings towards semen in particular. In point of fact, I’d say we should worry more about the former than the latter, since if you knock out the attitude that semen is dirty but don’t knock out the attitude that sex between men and women should be about the man dirtying and degrading the woman, then these kind of humiliation rituals will just be expressed in different ways, not involving the smearing of semen.
… since it’s a necessary part of male sexuality, so the only thing we can really work on is the attitude toward it.
But semen isn’t a necessary part of male sexuality. Satisfying and pleasurable sex may or may not have anything to do with a man ejaculating, let alone going to some special effort to ejaculate visibly on someone’s face or body.
I do agree, though, that there are plenty of guys who are ashamed of their naked bodies, or basic, I don’t know, sexuality, and that’s not something that’s discussed often. Mostly I blame porn, too bad there’s nothing to be done about it.
Well. The men in question could always stop watching porn, if it makes them feel bad about themselves.
So what’s your idea of kinky sex? Missionary with the lights off?
Please let’s not go there. Neither Glaivester nor anybody else is under some kind of mandate to enjoy oral sex, or for that matter any kind of sex at all.
Anticopyright.